Bill & Ted (Plus many more!) Arrive in RED - Red Mountain Course Diary, Weeks 1 & 2
January 6 2014, the start of Nonstop’s Red Mountain 11 Week Instructor Training Program. And what a program it is, alive with the potential of an unopened box of Fruit Loops. This year the participants arrived to the best accommodation ever seen on a program of the sort. Two weeks into the course, former Nonstop student turned Nonstop instructor Patrick talks us through the first two weeks of the ski & snowboard instructor courses in Red (complete with journalistic pseudonym!)...
The Red Mountain 2014 crew, along with our intrepid reporter, yours truly (back row, third from left)
Red's plush slopeside condos, home for the season
On arrival at their new home for the season, after the ooh’s and aah’s subsided it was carefully explained that any damage to condos would be met with traditional Canadian hospitality and understanding. Five years in a maximum security prison with no chance of parole. Two of the lot, Bill & Ted, discovered they were to room together. We here at the Nonstop Tribune send them our best wishes and hope that they have a most “excellent adventure.
Bill & Ted rooming together, what are the chances?!
There are so many joys that come with a Nonstop adventure. The skiing or riding, the tutelage, MORE activities but for me the characters and friends you’ll meet are number one. Come with as I introduce you to a few of ours and what they’ve been up to these last two weeks. Names have been obscured where pertinent to protect identities.
Settling in with a new family can often be most challenging and sensitive around the subject of food. Is anyone vegetarian? Which shelf should we put communal things on and who ate the last slice of pizza? Not so for the family of room #203. They’ve gone whole hog on the idea of all for one, one for all pulling together $250 for their first joint shop. $80 of which was spent on food. Well done lads. After getting it all home, energetic discussion was had over what to eat first. One member was heard to suggest “We can’t cook the food we just bought, we didn’t buy it to eat it now.” You may laugh but he alone will survive the coming nuclear winter, to rule supreme over the cockroaches. And who will be laughing then?
The outspoken leader of the “More Beer Please” clan is a man we shall herein refer to as “All Day, Every Day”, a reference to his favourite catch phrase. At the present count it can refer to skiing, watching tv, eating, taking rubbish out, essentially anything except for having the cash required to complete commercial transactions. Yes, it seems the thing he is most fond of doing “All Day, Every Day” is borrowing money. We here at the Nonstop Tribune have learnt, from numerous sources, that “All Day, Every Day” has a strong fundamental understanding of lines of credit. Considering current economic and market realities we do hope he has secured low terms of interest!
Pretty happy to be on the hill at Red Mountain!
During the first week of a Nonstop ski & snowboard instructor course, we enjoy the good life. In an orientation to the mountain we find out just where does that run go? A little skiing, a little laughing, some pointing at trail maps, good days all round. In an orientation to equipment we tackle life’s mysteries. What does this binding do? Let’s find out together. Should I buy this pretty ski or the one that would fit me? Well that’s really up to you, but I’d suggest the pretty one. All while surrounded by some of the most breathtaking landscape on the planet. (Ed: Clearly our correspondent is a snowboarding instructor and all ski advice should be taken with a large dose of salt!! The bit about breathtaking scenery is definitely true though!)
The breathtaking beauty of Red Resort
Not a bad day at the office!
This second week has seen the tuition kick in with force, utilising the knowledge of the many handsome instructors to explore current limits and abilities. Another achievement is establishing goals and pathways to complete throughout the remaining three months. Together, as a team, we challenge ourselves to rewrite our expectations. To dream bigger. To do better. As evidenced in this photo of five snowboarders listening to someone. This has never happened before. Ever.
The snowboarding group are all ears...a first!
Week two has also brought with it the further blossoming of some truly unique and terrifying personalities. The tone of comfort and non-judgement was set, perhaps mistakenly, on Saturday night when I introduced the lads to a game with a name far too sexy for the written word. The objective of the game is to create fictional hook ups in order to score points. The in jokes that come from such bonded friendships are too numerous to print. Nor are they fit to print. Especially if your Mum is reading. Is your Mum reading? No? Still too risky. Ask your father.
The game that shall not be named!
During a week two lesson on snow plough turns,one member would continually edge towards an attractive jump he’d seen just yards away. Successfully brought back in to the fold and discussion...mere moments passed and he was lost to us again. This resulted in the snowboard instructors declaring a “ski amnesty” where any skier can hand in two undesired skis in exchange for a snowboard. When asked for comment they replied “Ummmmmmmmmmm. I guess we just want people to have a good time. And if he wants to jump off stuff we can teach him to do that better.” The ski instructor in charge during this lesson had his abilities called into question as he was embarrassingly seen to fall in the area of “Beer Belly” run. Of course the snowboard instructors were on hand to collect iPhone photo evidence! (Ed: nice to see the standard ski/snowboard banter levels have been reached already!)
Oops!
Gee willikers is that the time? Let us rush through some more stories.
On Tuesday night one happy condo family were lounging in their den. Presumably in smoking jackets, without trousers, a bubble pipe ‘tween lips for effect, checking their emails. One by one they paused, the tempo of tapping keys slowed to a lazy, bluesy, r’n’b jam as all lifted their eyes to the table. One gent was folding his T shirts as if they were to be presented in a store, little piece of cardboard for shape and everything. On questioning, his response was that “It just makes me feel really happy.” I guess it takes all sorts....
A course like this can require nutritional and strength training awareness; in order to prepare one for three months of skiing. If you yourself are in need of a solution perhaps you could do as one of ours does: 8 - 10 eggs, and 2 litres of milk. A day! To be taken while pacing the living room at a steady rate from 6:30 - 8:30am. One should also inform roommates of any snowfall at regular intervals, in precise measurements and preferably individually to ensure understanding. It is not known if this helps but it is the prescribed routine for one of the Nonstoppers. This may be slightly exaggerated, but I’m not being held to any journalistic standards, it’s only slight anyway, promise.
In what will go down as the biggest mistake of the course to date one participant, we’ll call her “Deb”, admitted to being scared of mashed potatoes. Naturally her comrades were understanding and empathetic. Tonight’s dinner is Bangers n Mash! In retaliation and to keep people unsettled she started a rumour that she hates animals...all of them...even the platypus. Who can hate a platypus? It’s positively preposterous. The platypus that is, the platypus is preposterous. The hatred of a platypus is also preposterous but grammar is tricky.
Later in the week “Deb” and a classmate spent so long tuning a single pair of skis (presumably the time was spent trying to figure out how to tune a ski) they missed the last bus back to the condo. A suitably embarrassing “tail between the legs” rescue message was sent to myself. After mocking them on the internet (this is now the second time) they were swiftly rescued by a fair prince. Heckling ensued the next morning, especially since there were at least two remaining buses that evening. When it was jokingly suggested they procure a bus timetable Jonathan, Red Mountain’s dashing course host (who doesn’t understand British sarcasm), promptly replied that he had given everyone a bus timetable. I’m not going to show him this course diary. He wouldn’t understand.
This has been Scoops Charleston for the Nonstop Tribune, Rossland, BC.
Till next week, in the words of Bill & Ted, be excellent to one another.
If you'd like to join Scoops (AKA Patrick) and the rest of the team in Red Mountain for the ski & snowboard instructor training courses next season, you'd better get in quick as places are already filling up! Check out more about the resort or the ski instructor course or snowboard instructor course and get involved!
